Just give me a day…

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I wrote this on my very first site, Glazed Hamm, years ago. It was written during one of the few times I hit those places I dared not to go and avoided at all costs. But they were necessary stopping points on my journey because they aided in my growth.

One cannot truly be happy if they don’t understand sadness, if they don’t confront their feelings willingly and openly. I didn’t like to do that. Ever. I still don’t. But the difference between now and then is that I know that I have to, or it’ll eat me up and I’ll be good to no one.

Although I wrote this a few years ago, it still rings true today. I feel as though I’m not allowed to say, “Autism hurts.” It hurts me that my children are special needs. It saddens me. It just does.

It doesn’t change my love for them. I still love them more than life. I just can’t deny all of my feelings. I feel great love, adoration, and affection for my children. My heart swells with simply thinking about how much I love them. But to think about their having autism and their futures, rips at my heart that is overflowing with love for them.

We are often made to feel as though we cannot have these feelings because it means we simply do not love our children enough. This simply isn’t true. You’re entitled to every feeling you have. They’re yours. You own them. You don’t let them define who you are, but you’re damn sure allowed to have them.

Before I get into the piece, let me let you in on something: those who put you down for your feelings will never have the bond you have with your children, regardless of whether they share your child’s diagnosis. You are mom. Or you are dad. Your child will never know a greater love than yours. Don’t ever let a stranger make you feel inadequate as a parent. Your child won’t ever want or love them. They’ll always want and love you.

Just give me a day…

where I don’t feel bad about hating your cutesy poems about how Autism has made your child unique and special.

A day where I can scream f*ck you to your declarations about how it’s made you a more patient parent, and enhanced your life in every way.

A day to scoff at your “Autism has it’s challenges, but I wouldn’t change him for the world” memes.

A day so I can feel it’s okay to cry about how hard it is.

A day to think about how Autism makes me feel without any of the “put yourself in their shoes” speeches.

Just give me a day…

to not think about my child’s feelings, what he’s going through.  I don’t want to.

I need a day to think about how Autism makes ME feel.

I need a day to acknowledge that I actually have feelings.

I need a day to not concern myself with your claims of selfishness for caring about me.

A day to be upset my child has Autism.

Time to not think poorly of myself for succumbing to your proclamations of disservice to my child for not loving all that he is, as he is.

A day to realize I have a right to my feelings.

A day to rebuke the notion that simply because we all have struggles and challenges that that equates to sameness.  It doesn’t.

A day to realize what I already know, but stuff deep down, and that is that there are levels to Autism and that my son has it worse than many, and many have it worse than him.  It just is what it is. and that’s ok, but it must be acknowledged. 

A day to speak my truth into existence, if only for a day.

Autism is hard for me.

I’m surrounded by people, yet alone.

I’m filled with emotions I can’t even feel because they’re not considered appropriate to do so.

The pressure of Autism weighs on me constantly, give me a day to let it crush me.  I would rather pick up the pieces later, keep what I need, discard what I don’t, than continue to carry a load my spirit is too weak to handle.

Just give me a day…

to feel it all.

To grieve.

To mourn.

I need to feel it all.

I need to cry.

Just give me a day…

to not be strong.

I need a day to hurt.

Autism can hurt. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. 

Just give me a day…

to say that Autism hurts.

I’ll be better in the tomorrow.

XOXO

Tiffy

103 Replies to “Just give me a day…”

  1. Hi,

    I wanted to share some very important news that has been spreading around the internet concerning our future well being.

    We are approaching a future of a one-world cashless society in which they will mandate us to have an RFID microchip implanted in our body. This chip will contain all our personal information and we will lose much more of our privacy because of the tracking capabilities.

    More importantly, did you know that this was all prophesied almost 2000 years ago by a man named Jesus? Don’t believe me? Keep reading…This may be the most important thing you will ever read.

    “He (the false prophet) causes all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on their right hand or on their foreheads, and that no one may buy or sell except one who has the mark or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.

    Here is wisdom. Let him who has understanding calculate the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man: His number is 666” (Revelation 13:16-18).

    Revelation 13:16-18 is speaking of the end times, and this could only be speaking of a cashless money society, which we have yet to see, but are heading towards. Why? Because we could still buy or sell without receiving the mark among one another if physical money was still currency. It logically deduces itself to this reason.

    This mark could not be spiritual, because the word references two different physical locations stating one “OR” the other.

    This is where it really starts to come together. It is shocking how accurate the Bible is concerning this RFID microchip. These are notes from a man named Carl Sanders who worked with a team of engineers to help develop this RFID microchip in the 90’s.

    “Carl Sanders sat in seventeen New World Order meetings with heads-of-state officials such as Henry Kissinger and Bob Gates of the C.I.A. to discuss plans on how to bring about this one-world system. The government commissioned Carl Sanders to design a microchip for identifying and controlling the peoples of the world—a microchip that could be inserted under the skin with a hypodermic needle (a quick, convenient method that would be gradually accepted by society).

    Carl Sanders, with a team of engineers behind him, with U.S. grant monies supplied by tax dollars, took on this project and designed a microchip that is powered by a lithium battery, rechargeable through the temperature changes in our skin. Without the knowledge of the Bible (Brother Sanders was not a Christian at the time), these engineers spent one-and-a-half-million dollars doing research on the best and most convenient place to have the microchip inserted.

    Guess what? These researchers found that the forehead and the back of the hand (the two places Revelation says the mark will go) are not just the most convenient places, but are also the only viable places for rapid, consistent temperature changes in the skin to recharge the lithium battery. The microchip is approximately seven millimeters in length, .75 millimeters in diameter, about the size of a grain of rice. It is capable of storing pages upon pages of information about you. All your general history, work history, crime record, health history, and financial data can be stored on this chip.

    Brother Sanders believes that this microchip, which he regretfully helped design, is the “mark” spoken about in Revelation 13:16–18. The original Greek word for “mark” is “charagma,” which means a “scratch or etching.” It is also interesting to note that the number 666 is actually a word in the original Greek. The word is “chi xi stigma,” with the last part, “stigma,” also meaning “to stick or prick.” Carl believes this is referring to a hypodermic needle when they poke into the skin to inject the microchip.”

    Mr. Sanders asked a doctor what would happen if the lithium contained within the RFID microchip leaked into the body. The doctor replied by saying a terrible sore would appear in that location. This is what the book of Revelation says:

    “And the first(Angel) went, and poured out his vial on the earth; and there fell a noisome and grievous sore on the men which had the mark of the beast, and on them which worshipped his image” (Revelation 16:2).

    The Bible tells us we cannot buy or sell without the mark of the beast, or the number of its name. This number is identified as 666. The Bible tells us to calculate the number 666. How do we calculate 666?

    This is where it gets really interesting. Calculating the number 666 has been long debated throughout the centuries, but has now been revealed in these last days by God. What I will show you confirms itself with the Bible the true meaning to calculate 666.

    Throughout the Bible, God uses the number 3 as confirmation of things. Here are a few examples:

    “For there are three that bear witness in heaven: the Father, the Word, and the Holy Spirit; and these three are one” (1 John 5:7 NKJV).

    “and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures” (1 Corinthians 15:4 NKJV).

    “…Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, Who was and is and is to come!” (Revelation 4:8 NKJV).

    Now what is interesting is the the mark of the beast is described in detail in three separate verses (Revelation 13:16,17,18), and each verse lists three different examples of the given topic. The last three being the number 6 being used three times in a row. This is a key point to unlocking how to calculate the number 666.

    What does it mean to count? It means to add up. So how could we add up 666? Remember my previous point about God confirming in threes. So logically, what would be the best way to count the number 666? To count it equally in threes based off the number. We cannot count it equally as 600+60+6, this would also bring us back to the start. We cannot count it as 600+600+600, or 60+60+60, because there are no zeroes in between or at the end of 666. The only logical option is 6+6+6=18. What is interesting is that the verse that reveals for us to count the number itself is verse 18, being the third verse out of three verses that describe the mark of the beast. What is 18 divided by 3? 6. So 3×6=18, or 6+6+6=18.

    Another interesting point is the only two other combinations (making a total of three possible combinations) for placing a “+” symbol in between the 6’s are 66+6=72, and 6+66=72. Add both 72’s together and you get 144. Why the number 144 is interesting is because the verse following Revelation 13:18 is the first time in the Bible where the 144,000 are being described in detail:

    “Then I looked, and behold, a Lamb standing on Mount Zion, and with Him one hundred and forty-four thousand, having His Father’s name written on their foreheads…” (Revelation 14:1).

    Now if you add up all three numbers by counting 666 by moving the “+” symbol around in all three possible combinations, it would be 72+72+18=162. What is interesting about the number 162, is, if you divide 144,000 by 162, you get 888. The name of Jesus in Greek gematria adds up to 888. The New Testament was orignally written in Greek. Revelation 14:1 not only mentions the 144,000, but also the Lamb who is Jesus.

    Now what is interesting about the number for Jesus, 888, is that if you apply this same formula, you get 8+8+8=24. Why the number 24? Revelation chapter 4 tells us there are 24 elders seated around the throne of God. This is the same throne where Jesus sits:

    “Immediately I was in the Spirit; and behold, a throne set in heaven, and One sat on the throne. And He who sat there was like a jasper and a sardius stone in appearance; and there was a rainbow around the throne, in appearance like an emerald. Around the throne were twenty-four thrones, and on the thrones I saw twenty-four elders sitting, clothed in white robes; and they had crowns of gold on their heads” (Revelation 4:2-4).

    Now if you take 8+8+8=24, and 8+88=96, and 88+8=96, you get 24+96+96=216. Take 144,000 divided by 216 and you get 666. Remember that this was the same exact formula to get the number 162 out of counting 666 that brought about the number 888 when dividing 144,000 by 162. It is perpetual.

    With using the same formula of counting by adding the “+” symbol in between the numbers, why do all these numbers relate in such a way?

    Another interesting point to note is that if you add up all the numbers from 1 to 36, it totals 666. The number 36, as in three sixes? Could this be a hint that we should add up three sixes instead of perceiving the number as six-hundred sixty six?

    So what could this mean? Well we know in this world we are identified by numbers in various forms. From our birth certificate to social security, as well as our drivers license, being identified based on a system of ruler ship. So it is possible that this RFID microchip will contain a new identification that has a total of 18 characters.

    Could this be the name of the beast, the number of its name? The one-world beast system that is identified by 18 characters? This would fit scripture that speaks of a mark that we must have to buy or sell in our right hand or forehead, and that it also contains the number of the beast, during a future cashless money society.

    Go to: http://voice-truth.com to see all the proof!

    The Bible warns us in the end times that a false prophet will rise up doing miracles to deceive many to receive this mark:

    “Then the beast was captured, and with him the false prophet who worked signs in his presence, by which he deceived those who received the mark of the beast and those who worshiped his image” (Revelation 19:20).

    No matter the cost, DO NOT TAKE IT!

    “Then a third angel followed them, saying with a loud voice, “If anyone worships the beast and his image, and receives his mark on his forehead or on his hand, he himself shall also drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is poured out full strength into the cup of His indignation. He shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels and in the presence of the Lamb. And the smoke of their torment ascends forever and ever; and they have no rest day or night, who worship the beast and his image, and whoever receives the mark of his name” (Revelation 14:9-11).

    We are living in very prophetic times with major Biblical prophecies being fulfilled. When Donald Trump recognized Jerusalem as capital of Israel in December of 2017, this was a big step to bring about the Third Temple prophesied in the Bible.

    The Bible tells us that the Antichrist will seat himself in this temple:

    “…and the man of sin is revealed, the son of perdition, who opposes and exalts himself above all that is called God or that is worshiped, so that he sits as God in the temple of God, showing himself that he is God” (2 Thessalonians 2:3-4).

    In the Islamic religion, they have man called the Mahdi, known as their messiah who they are waiting to appear. There are many testimonies from people online who believe this man will be Barack Obama who is to be the biblical Antichrist. I myself have had strange dreams about him. He came on stage claiming to be a Christian with no affiliation to the Muslim faith, but was later revealed by his own family members that he indeed is a devout Muslim.

    His real name is said to be Barry Soetoro, and he had his name changed to Barack Obama. But why?

    Jesus says, “And He said to them, ‘I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven'” (Luke 10:18).

    In Hebrew, the word Barack means “lightning”, and the use of Bama (Strongs Hebrew word 1116) is used to refer to the “heights” of heaven.

    The day following the election of Barack Obama (11/04/08), the winning pick 3 lotto numbers in Illinois (Obama’s home state) for 11/5/08 were 666.

    Obama was a U.S. senator for Illinois, and his zip code was 60606.

    Regardless, whoever seats himself in that Third Temple in Jerusalem declaring himself to be God IS THE ANTICHRIST. DO NOT BE DECEIVED.

    Why do we need Jesus?

    “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23).

    “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 6:23).

    Our good works cannot save us. If we step before a judge, being guilty of a crime, the judge will not judge us by the good that we have done, but rather the crimes we have committed. If we as fallen humanity, created in God’s image, pose this type of justice, how much more a perfect, righteous, and Holy God?

    God has brought down His moral law’s through the 10 commandments given to Moses at Mt. Siani. These laws were not given so we may be justified, but so that we may see the need for a savior. They are the mirror of God’s character of what He has put in each and every one of us, with our conscious bearing witness that we know that it is wrong to steal, lie, dishonor our parents, and so forth.

    We can try and follow the moral laws of the 10 commandments, but we will never catch up to them to be justified before a Holy God. That same word of the law given to Moses became flesh over 2000 years ago in the body of Jesus Christ. He came to be our justification by fulfilling the law, living a sinless perfect life that only God could fulfill.

    The gap between us and the law can never be reconciled by our own merit, but the arm of Jesus is stretched out by the grace and mercy of God. And if we are to grab on, through faith in Him, He will pull us up being the one to justify us. As in the court of law, if someone steps in and pays your fine, even though you are guilty, the judge can do what is legal and just and let you go free. This is what Jesus did almost 2000 years ago on the cross. It was a legal transaction being fulfilled in the spiritual realm by the shedding of His blood, with His last words being, “…It is finished!…” (John 19:30).

    Now why did Jesus have to die for us?

    Because God is Holy and just, the wrath that we deserve could not go unnoticed. Through the perfect righteousness and justice of God’s character, it must be dealt with, it must be quenched and satisfied.

    For God has no pleasure in the death of the wicked (Ezekiel 18:23). This is why in Isaiah chapter 53, where it speaks of the coming Messiah and His soul being a sacrifice for our sins, why it says it pleased God to crush His only begotten Son.

    This is because the wrath that we deserve was justified by being poured out upon His Son. If that wrath was poured out on us, we would all die and go to hell. God created a way of escape by pouring it out on His Son who’s soul could not be left in Hades, but was raised and seated at the right hand of God in power.

    So now when we put on the Lord Jesus Christ (Romans 13:14), God no longer see’s the person who deserves His wrath, but rather the glorious image of His perfect Son dwelling in us, justifying us as if we received the wrath we deserve, making a way of escape from the curse of death.

    Now what we must do is repent and trust in the savior, confessing and forsaking our sins. This is not just a head knowledge of believing in Jesus, but rather receiving His words, taking them to heart. Where we no longer live to practice sin, but rather turn from our sins and practice righteousness:

    “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God” (1 Corinthians 6:9-11).

    By doing so we may become transformed into the image of God through faith in His Son Christ Jesus Who is willing to give the Holy Spirit to those who ask of Him:

    “Most assuredly, I (Jesus) say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not marvel that I said to you, ‘You must be born again.’ (John 3:5-7).

    “But you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. Now if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he is not His” (Romans 8:9).

    What are you waiting for? Our Father in heaven only wants the best for us, restoring everything this world has stolen from us. This is what it means to be “holy”. To be made whole.

    He is waiting to hear from you. That God given tongue to speak language, through faith, pray to Him, ask Him to forgive you by confessing your sins and be willing to forsake them; that you accept the sacrifice of His Son Jesus on the cross, and that you want His Holy Spirit living inside you transforming you into a child of God.

    Jesus says, “but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him (the Holy Spirit) will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.”

    Did you know that Jesus spoke more about hell than anyone else, even more than He spoke about heaven?! For this very reason He came to die for us, to rescue us from this place that we deserve.

    He describes hell as a real place where,

    “Their worm does not die
    And the fire is not quenched” (Mark 9:44).

    And where,

    “There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth…” (Luke 13:28).

    Jesus tells us who to fear,

    “And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell” (Matthew 10:28).

    “Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea. Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, ‘Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.’

    Then He who sat on the throne said, ‘Behold, I make all things new.’ And He said to me, ‘Write, for these words are true and faithful.’

    And He said to me, ‘It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts. He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I will be his God and he shall be My son. But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.'” (Revelation 21:1-8).

    Out of all the world religions, how can we be sure the Bible got it right? The scientific data has established and continues to support that the universe once had a beginning in which space, time and matter were created. Many know this as the big bang.

    “The non-biblical religions tell us that god or god’s create within space and time that eternally exist. The Bible stands alone and says that time and space don’t exist until God creates the universe.” – Astronomer (Phd) Hugh Ross

    The Bible not only got it right that space, time and matter all came into existence at the beginning of the universe, it also states in 7 different places that the universe is expanding thousands of years before scientists discovered these things.

    Did you know that the real Noah’s Ark was discovered in the location where the Bible told us it would be, as well as having the correct dimensions? As well as proof for the destruction of Sodom Gomorrah and the Exodus account of the Red Sea crossing?

    The Bible is the most translated and read book in the history of the world, full of predictive prophecies, matching what we find in the book of nature. Wouldn’t you expect God’s word to be so?

    This information and more can all be found here: http://voice-truth.com

    God loves you!

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